Quotes from Carded and Discarded


"I've never hated Alice Cooper as much as I do right now." -Ken

"You can hardly stand to be around us. When you two were kids, you used to run around naked and lay in bed with us all night. We bathed you and we cleaned your butts when you pooped and we loved it. Now, we try to pat you on the head and you run for the hills. Well, I'm fed up. We are going to be close from now on whether you like it or not. We're going to spend quality time together, and we're going to enjoy it, damnit!" -Harold

"I just want to be older so I can go to bars. Everything fun in this world happens in bars." -Ken

"I hate astrology. What, everybody born in the same month is gonna have the same life?" -Daniel

"Had to bring the big rocket, didn't you?" -Neal
"What? I got a big rocket. What am I supposed to do, cut it in half?" -Bill

"Gosh, Bill, your rocket's huge." -Maureen
"Oh, it is? I hadn't noticed." -Bill

"So, is this what having a girlfriend is gonna be like? She's your best friend, she's beautiful and you can say and do anything in front of her?" -Sam
"Well, my dad always says that's what women want you to think before you marry them. That's how they suck you in." -Neal
"She's the kind of woman you can cut the cheese in front of." -Bill
"Oh yeah, Bill, that's what love is all about." -Sam
"It is. I mean, you couldn't be in love with something if you couldn't. Think about it." -Bill

"Don't play with that rooster. Don't play with that rooster. That's not... that's not a nice petty pet pet rooster." -Toby
"I'm sorry." -Nick
"You're the one who'll be sorry. Very dangerous." -Toby

"Nobody's home. You wanna have a little sex?" -Mrs. Weir
"Sex?! Well, okay." -Harold

"How are we not supposed to be in love with her?" -Bill


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